Beware: Friend Zone (And How To Get Out Of It)


Friend Zone AdviceBy Top10BestDatingSites Staff

Let’s set the scene. You meet your perfect guy, the hottest girl, your ideal match. You start spending time together, and it would appear the feeling is mutual. She calls you a few times a week, you’re always hanging out and dropping round each other’s houses. You seem to be his first port of call when there’s a work issue or a fight with a family member. Nothing romantic has exactly happened yet, but hey, you’re taking it slow, you’re a gentleman, or you want him to know you’re a lady; there’s no rush. Until one day, that moment happens. They start telling you all about an upcoming date, a new boyfriend, another hot girl they’ve got their eye on, asking for tips and advice from the opposite sex. You can’t kid yourself any longer… You’re in the Friend Zone.

How has this happened? Weren’t you clear enough about your feelings? What about that time they hugged you goodbye but the hug went on for ages? Didn’t that mean something?

Our advice to you? STOP! Don’t overthink every aspect of your friendship, or you’ll end up coming on too strong or ruining things altogether. Instead, follow these great tips to move your friendship firmly into the relationship column.

Look on the Bright Side

You might think all is lost, but remember - you have a lot more going for you than most of the guys she’s dating or the girls he’s checking out. You already have a foundation built, they already like you and want to spend time with you, even if it isn’t in the way you would ideally choose! Jeffrey Hall, professor of communication studies at University of Kansas has recently published a research which says “Shared laughter might be a pathway toward developing a more long-lasting relationship.” If you’re great friends, chances are you already laugh together and have a great time. Far from this being a blocker to taking your relationship to the next level, it may actually help.


Get some Advice (and not just from us!)

If you’re deeply entrenched in the zone, chances are you have some mutual friends as well. They will be able to tell you whether the guy of your dreams is losing sleep over you, too, or if it’s all headed towards a nightmare. But pick your confidante wisely. Asking her best friend might give you the best chances of talking to someone who knows the answer, but it’s also your best chance of getting your feelings relayed straight back to her before you’re even out the building. Men’s fitness suggests you steer away from asking “your jokester buddy who never takes things seriously, or that lady-friend who has had feelings for you in the past.” Find someone you really trust with your own feelings, and play it cool. There’s no need to start with “I’m obsessed with her, do you think she feels the same way?” when you’ll get the same information with something more subtle such as “Do you know whether he’s looking for a girlfriend right now?” or “Do you think we would make a good couple?”

Set the Scene

Maybe all you need is a change of scenery. If your friendship is all about going over to each other’s houses to watch the Great British Bake Off, and moaning about mutual friends on the phone for hours at night, you’re not giving them a chance to see you how you deserve to be seen. Plan a fun night out (AKA date) outside of your regular comfort zone. Buy some theatre tickets, find a nighttime museum opening or an exhibition to go to. Suggest you pick up some dinner first. Making an evening plan is a great way to encourage date-like activity in a natural way, and a new setting where you have to think about what to wear and say, away from usual distractions can be a great push away from a friendly arm punch to a more than friendly hand hold. You can even choose an obviously romantic setting like a great view or a fancy restaurant.

Be brave, if they ask “is this a date?” they probably already want a positive response. Feeling too shy to tell them what’s on your mind? Try asking the question back to them “Do you want it to be?” with a smile, is a great sexy reply.

friends sitting in romantic place

Friendship First

Whatever move you decide to go for, think about how much you value the friendship in and of itself. Once you take things further, even if your friend wants it as much as you do, your relationship will never be the same again. Make sure you can see a future together, unless you want this person to become a part of your past! Of course, if you’re feeling confident you’ve found someone special, you can always just take the bull by the horns and lean in for a kiss next time you sense the moment’s right!

Want an uncomplicated relationship where everyone is looking for the same thing from the outset? Try a matchmaking website like Elite Singles or eHarmony.


About Top10BestDatingSites Staff

The Top 10 Best Dating Sites staff are your guides to the world of online dating websites and services. The team navigates the world of online dating and share their findings to help readers find online dating success. Our team includes dating experts Laurel House, Ken Solin, James Preece, Erika Ettin, Nida Sea, Vanae Tran, Carmelia Ray and many more talented writers. Top 10 Best Dating Sites staff have extensive first-hand experience in: signing up for and using various online dating sites; researching the ever-growing online dating market; and copywriting and editing for various online and print publications about online dating.


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